On 48 hours I’ve managed to leave house twice (for food, chips & ice cream), watched 8 episodes of Game of Thrones, listened to Spotify Weekly playlist three times, had two dates cancelled (All odds on the Wednesday date will happen AND rock – insert anxious smiley!), been drinking 3 liters of thea, 0,5 l coffee, smoked NO cigarettes (hence the ice cream), drinking NO alcohol (hence the chips and date cancelling), had NO showers, NO workout (sucks), looked at 3 job offers, researched apartments in Sydhavnen which led to a search on houseboats, which led to giving up on finding new apartment. Cleaned the bathroom, told roomie to quit smoking in apartment (hence the apartment search failure), connected with the french roomie, talked about men with coffee date in my kitchen (we both have a date with a guy called the same on Wednesday – what’ya know). All in all a very quiet start of the 2016 – it could have been.
Before all this, I’d been drinking 5 out of 7 days, smoking the same amount, working, eating, sleeping but also had a work out – Oh, AND arranged three dates!
I will refrain from the obvious “should make new life goals” outburst. But I should though.
(Hah, I have a category that’s called “The one” – should I reuse when the new “The One” or just delete?? Hummmm…)
So… With trembling hands, and a minor anxiety attack I am behind the computer to write again. Different reasons for being so, the return that is 1) Finishing my thesis, had me feeling nauseous of keyboards, now 6 months later I miss it – the writing, not he thesis! 2) Life has been turned upside down, and I constantly find my self going through it in my mind, as blog posts.
So here goes what might be the longest blogpost (or shortest) ever made from author behind.
Let’s use bullits. For the 2015 that went:
- Survived and finished thesis with an admirable grade. Succes! Even though counselor had me answering “I don’t even know what our findings were – nothing I guess”. I am still contemplating that one..
- Survived break up with bf through 5 years. During thesis writing that is. But I guess that helped me through it.
- Met a guy, had him move in for a month, then his friend (and my colleague, I’m not that crazy). Fell in love with 1st guy ( I think, still not sure) but he did made me rebound from break up, and then later made me loose my mind during the whole summer.
- Tried to see if fuckling others would minimise loss of mind. Partly a succes.
- Had a threesome!
- Had a lover.
- Did that thing I can’t really talk about, but will reflect upon later on in this post.
- Started working in the wine bars again.
- Had a semi depression.
- Started working out (working that ass and them abs – why do you look better in your 30’s than in your 20’s? Cause you need it more?)
- Made peace with at at least 3 of my manly relations, who had been messing with my mind (all in 24 hours, I’m awesome!)
So the reflections following these events, can also be narrowed down to bullit points (isn’t it lovely).
- I spend waaaaay to much time adjusting my own well being to matters and definitions of the men in my life. Solution is spending more time on me and myself, being maybe a bit more ego centered, while tile staying open and curious (hence the date for the fires time ever, planned to night). But most def, loving the soothing company of my own. After all, I would love to date the man version of me, but will have to settle for just myself for the time being.
- Your identity connects a lot to relationsshipstatus and education (job), and altering the both of these, will make you feel a loss of identity. Solution is not to panic, not to sleep all day and get depressed, but look at fucking opportunities and deal with your new label of “Single & educated – dont know what I am doing”. Life goes on, make the most of it.
- I need to find my passion in life. 2016 goal.
- Sex feels absolutely empty with out feelings, but still, can be extremely good. No fucking on first dates from now on?
Sun is shining, a moment I can’t let pass by in these dark winter times…
A return, a rerun, lets see if this is something that will help me get a hold on crazy thoughts, so I can keep my mind.
And it’s an idea…
Note to self
Speaking with a friend about transcribing and how I find it utterly boring even though I’m quite fast doing it.
This lead on to the joyful conversation about useless talents, and so to provide my friends now astonishing need, for having useless talents of mine listed, so he can use them against me: Here goes. Useless talents possessed by the author writing:
- Drinking wast amounts of alcohol
- Finding grey hairs in special lightening settings
- Writing blogposts when one should be transcribing
- Being all the time confused about making right or wrong choices
- Making creative glue-cut-out-paper-things-on-boxes gifts for friends, forgetting that I’ve already gave them one, and that they don’t use it.
- Very good at rolling fingerings around married-hand-finger with thumb and little finger on the same hand
- Colour organising cd’s on shelves
- Country and region organising of wine on shelves
- Doing dishes!
Realising that I have to go back to transcribing. Now.
This one is dedicated for you, my evil little mean spirited friend. (Not that you are really)
Finally finished BA in Media Production and Management with a 10 (A?) and is super satisfied, reliefed, scared, anxious and what not.. Adult life is waiting. It’s going to be?? great, hopefully… If I can get a nice job. And what is it about ALL the businesses, requires you have years of practise in your field, before they wan’t to hire you? Like seriously, how do freshly graduated people get jobs, if they don’t get it through their network? Or does 3 years of school counts as experience?? Hmm…. Well, keeping trust in faith, and that good comes to good people…
And.. Will be back to blogging. Somehow finishing my theses, makes me missing writing.. Freak.
Sorry, for being so ridiculously bad at updating and getting inspired…
I know, that it is because the last 1.5 month school has been all about writing. Which filled me up with writing. And add on was the lack of internet connection at home, making my “skip actions” impossible, at least in the online way.
So update so far. Should it be in bulletpoint? Well absolutely why not!
- Got a shared amount of compliments and critiques on my writing skills. In the end it made me able to see my mistakes. Let’s hope I’ve learned the lesson for the just delivered exam piece.
- LEAN has opened my eyes for what I always knew was right, really existed in a philosophy. Rethinking career opportunities.
- Gained balance with the one, after a period of the opposite, which led me to.. (drumbeat) … Seeing a psychiatrist. Oh my is that good or what! Love it. Dare you fucked up childhood memories, give it your best! I will cope with you better than ever.
- Living situation is steady. Not perfect, not bad at all.
- Watching Californication season 05. Makes me wanna travel and meet people. Or just watch some more.
- Experiencing a bad bad BAD habit at biting my fingers while I write. Maybe take this up with the psychiatrist.
- Got interrupted by dinner at Falernum, now full and unable to think….
Love them. Need more. Spend the day after a night filled with music, wine and great ladies.. It lasted till 7 in the morning, made me not going to school, but spend the day walking, freezing, relaxing and kissing.
Camera fail that ended good
Iced up lakes